Monday, March 19, 2007

Lists and Answers

Things I've learned since starting work:
  • I know a lot more Spanish than I thought I did, and a lot less than is actually useful.
  • It is possible to communicate with just hand motions even when you don't know sign language.
  • Mexican food is not only the stuff that is served in every single Mexican restaurant in the USA in various forms, and is still good.
  • It is strange to me to find religious articles, from Bibles to rosaries and icons (mainly Our Lady of Guadelupe, so perhaps it makes sense), in at least one section of every major store; but not nearly as strange as hearing the song Awesome God playing over the speakers in NameYourOwnBigPublicStore. I know what it's like to hallucinate; I had to stop and think about it, but I'm sure I wasn't.
  • I need to take up karate or some other physical art form that involves fighting.
  • Security videos don't have very high quality images.
  • Doing laundry for my family is, relatively speaking, really quite enjoyable. (Doing laundry for myself, on the other hand, is still a matter of "how many days' worth do I have left if I really try hard and wear a strange outfit?")
  • It's safest to hide in the back or the break room later on in the night. All the knife fighting tends to happen up front. I'm not sure quite wear I stand with the clothing sections being in the middle.
  • However, my manager can beat up your manager! Do we rock or what?

Right then, enough with the random listing of stuff, before I come up with 100 other interesting experiences. It's.. good writing material for all my best-selling novels later on, isn't it?

To answer a couple questions from the comments: I'm not sure what I want an M.A. in. Theology would be fun but, job-wise, useless; education has appeared a good option from time to time; some sort of science, provided I do better at the math this time around (and I'd probably need to go back for another Bachelor's first) could also be fun and overall more useful. And I can't imagine ever being called Mistress Myth; it has an entirely un-me-like sound to it. I'll have to come up with some other interesting title.

Also, we deposit half our souls in lockers, which only each person plus one or two other people, plus any manager that wants to look, plus anyone who gets their hands on the printed out sheet of combinations, knows how to get into, and the other half is mysteriously sucked into the computer system through a USB port and kept there for as long as our grandchildren's great-grandkids shall live, or until someone hits the keys so hard that the computer explodes. They have to be kept there for the duration of our shift, though the part in the locker may be temporarily removed if we leave SuperEvilStore grounds for lunch, and small pieces of them may be collected to take with us on break. We again get the locker portion back at the end of the shift, though Super Evil Employer keeps the computer piece to ensure our return as well as our co-operation with their plan to take over the world (we mustn't hinder the plan while off-duty). The also have a second system, deceptively called a Discount Card, by which they steal another small piece of our soul every time we purchase something from one of their stores throughout the world. Most former employees take refuge in so-far unconquered countries in order to escape the influence and retire with whatever remains of their soul, though those safe countries are slowly diminishing as SuperEvilStore's influence extends ever further across the galaxy.

And now, if you'll excuse my being serious for a moment, and also not creating a seperate post.. today is Saint Joseph's feastday! In some places this is a large and important celebration; I've lived and fallen in love with those places, and it remains important to me, though not so obviously celebrated anywhere I've been in the USA. So happy feastday!

We come to the, O blessed Joseph, in our sore distress. Having sought the aid of thy most blessed spouse, we now confidently implore thy assistance also. We humbly beg that, mindful of the dutiful affection which bound thee to the immaculate Virgin Mother of God, and of the fatherly love with which though didst cherish the Child Jesus, thou wilt lovingly watch over the heritage which Jesus Christ purchased with His blood, and by thy powerful intercession help us in our urgent need.

Most powerful guardian of the Holy Family, protect the chosen race of Jesus Christ; drive far from us, most loving father, every pest of error and corrupting sin. From thy place in heaven, most powerful protector, graciously come to our aid in this conflict with the power of darkness, and as of old thou didst deliver the Child Jesus from supreme peril of life, so now defend the holy Church of God from the snares of her enemies and from all adversity.

Have each of us always in thy keeping, that, following thy example, and born up by thy strength, we may be able to live holily, die happily, and so enter the everlasting bliss of heaven. Amen.

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