For Love, Not Money

There's a large difference, I have very recently discovered, between babysitting for a few hours and actually taking care of a child.

I also, for the space of four days, filled a hole in my life that I hadn't yet realized the extent of until it was emptied again. I know it must still be so much different to be a parent, with a child or more in your care one way or another for the rest of your life, but having had even the tiniest miniscule little glimpse of what it might possibly be like, I can't imagine anyone willingly giving it up.

For a weekend I got to pretend. In one day I prepared breakfast, lunch, and dinner; I got two loads of laundry washed and three folded; two loads of dishes done; a shopping trip including four stops at various stores; kitchen wiped down and swept, as well as bathroom counters; I entertained three extra kids, for a total of five, up to and including putting away all toys at the end of the day, brushing teeth, reading a bedtime story with all but the baby clustered as close to me as they could get, a litany of children's voices reciting familiar and beautiful prayers, and finally, sleep. I still had time to do some of my own work, things I needed for school. I still had time to read a bit, to check email, to play a couple computer games, though I would willingly give up that extra time.

And at the end of the day, I knew it was growning on me - I knew it when I walked through the house one final time to make sure all lights were off and the door was locked, all toys and messes had been cleaned, all was safe and quiet. I knew it when I walked into the bathroom and noticed the floor needed to be swept, and had to talk myself out of going downstairs to get the broom. I knew it as I peeked in quietly at the five children asleep in their bedroom, and felt both peace at the closure of the day and fear at the enormity of the job I had been given where, for just one single night, five precious children were dependant on me and my ability to care for them.

(All five were up and had baths by 8:30am the next morning, too - an accomplishment I am most proud of. This random fact didn't fit in either of the previous paragraphs.)

I can't imagine what it must be like to be a parent, to live this every day, to a much greater extent than I can ever reach just by watching a handful of kids for a weekend. But I've had the barest glimpse of what a gift it must be, and am left amazed and awed by even that one glimpse.